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South-park

It is the afterlife we have concerned ourselves with.

Cartman

Satan, I'm a 90's man. I cry when I need to.

Chris

Chris: Oh, hi, you must be Saddam.
Saddam: And you must be Dickhead, just kidding. You're Chris, right?
Chris: Come on in.
Saddam: I brought you a potato.
Chris: Oh... thanks.
Satan: (runs into the room and grabs it) No Chris, it`s a bomb!! (chucks it into the lava)

Kyle: Mister Father! We have to ask you something.
Priest Maxi: Oh. You're the little Jewish boy, right?
Kyle: Yeah. If we're Jewish, are we gonna go to hell?
Priest Maxi: Well, young man, you can rest assured that according to Matthew:25, when you die you will stand before God and he will will say, "Depart from me, you curse, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels." Yes! As a Jew, your home will be the lake of fire.

They crucified Our Lord and Savior. If you don't go to hell for crucifying Our Savior, then what the hell DO you go to hell for?

</i> Priest Maxi

Sister Anne: Eric, do you want to go to hell?
Cartman: No.
Sister Anne: Then stop questioning me.

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

Saddam: Hello, Satan!
Satan: Saddam...
Saddam: Did you miss me, buttercup?
Satan: No, it can't be! You're dead! I killed you!
Saddam: Yeah, you killed me. So? Where was I gonna go? Detroit?

(Inside the confessional, Cartman goes through his extensive list of sins. Priest Maxi on the other side of the box)
Cartman: and that was about everything from first grade. Then last year, well, you can't tell anybody about this stuff, right?
Priest Maxi: Your (clears his throat) con- confession does not leave this box.
Cartman: Okay, because, last year, I took a sandwich that the priest of this church had been eating.
Priest Maxi: Oh. Well, uh, arr-I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew.
Cartman: No, but I'm not finished yet. I took the sandwich that the priest was eating, took the piece of ham out of it, put it between my butt cheeks, and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it.
(Cartman looks up for a response, but nothing happens)
Priest Maxi: (after a pause) I see.
Cartman: Yeah, and then this other time, I peed in the holy water thing, and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it every day for about a week. (the priest grows more concerned and his jaw drops) And then this one time, I was at the park, and the priest was out walking his dog and I went number two on the sidewalk and then told officer Barbrady that it was the priest's dog. (Priest Maxi's worry has turned to anger he's trying to contain) And so the priest got fined like a hundred dollars for not cleaning it up. And then this one time, I put super glue all over the priest's bottle of- (an arm tears through the partition and grabs Cartman by the throat) -eh- Ow! (throttles him back and forth) D'ow! Jesus! Ooww-ah! Ow! (the priest pulls him up into the partition a few times) Eh! Oh! Help. (The confession box rocks back and forth) Oh! Somebody help! God Dammit! Let me out of here!

Sister Anne: Now, let me explain how Communion works. The priest will give you this round cracker, and he will say, "The Body of Christ," and then you eat it.
Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?
Sister Anne: No.
Stan: But crackers are his body.
Sister Anne: Yes.
Kenny: What?!
Sister Anne: In the Book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "eat this, for it is my body."
Cartman: So we won't go to hell as long as we eat crackers.
Sister Anne: Nononono!
Butters: Uh-well, uh-what are we eatin' then?
Sister Anne: The Body of Christ!
Stan: Nonono, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.
Sister Anne: No!
Stan: No??
Butters: Huh-I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers.
Sister Anne: Look: all you have to know is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it! Okay?!
Kenny, Stan, Cartman: O-kay.

Wendy: (singing) Mrs. Landers was a health nut, she cooked food in a wok. Mr. Harris was her boyfriend and he had a great big
Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit, and I don't want my breakfast because it tastes like
Shitzus make good house pets, they're cuddly and sweet; monkeys aren't good to have 'cause they like to beat their
Meeting in the office, or meeting in the hall, the boss he wants to see you, so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt. Mrs. Roberts doesn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a
Contaminated water can really make you sick: your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your
Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck, and if you all don't like it I don't give a flying (beep).
Cartman: Thanks Wendy. Don't call us, we wont call you either.

Stan: Dad, I like being in a boy band, I think it's interesting.
Randy: Well there's plenty of interesting things you can do. Have you ever tried marijuana?

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 285 in total

South Park Season 4 Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

Kyle: But you know, I've learned something today. You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
Cartman: Tits.

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