Lionel Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!

Over, under, in and out, that's what shoe tying is all about.

Principal Skinner

Marge, I'm goin' to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!

Homer

Homer: The other day, I was so desperate for a beer that I ate the sand under the bleachers at a football game.
Reverend Lovejoy: I cast thee out!

Lisa: I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
Lisa: The very same.

To lift the spider's curse, simply recite a Bible verse. Uh... Thou shalt not... Oh, the hell with it. (Homer, throws a rock at the spider's head.)

Homer

My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!

Moleman

Six simple words, I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Homer

I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.

Groundskeeper Willie

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.

Principal Skinner

If you think I'm cuddly and you want my company, come on wifey let me know!

Ned

Homer: I've heard 'em all. I like you as a friend... I think we should see other people... I no speak English...
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: I'm married to the sea... I don't want to kill you, but I will.

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Lisa's Brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
Bart's Brain: Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!

Puppets: Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too! Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too!
Bart: I want to get off.
Selma: No, you can't get off. We have five more continents to visit.