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The-simpsons

Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Marge: Hmm, that doesn't sound like they like you at all.
Homer: You know, I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.
(the next morning Homer punches Lenny)

Mr. Burns: Find the bathroom all right?
Homer: Uuuuh..... yeah!

Carl: All in favor of a strike?
Everyone: Aye!
Carl: And all opposed?
Man: Nay.
Homer: Who keeps saying that?
Man: It was him. Lets get him fellas.

This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Lets see. It was the best of times, it was the "blurst" of times! You stupid monkey!

Mr. Burns

Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!

One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..

Grampa

(knock on door)
Homer: Who is it?
Goon: Goons.
Homer: Who?
Goon: Hired goons.

Look at him strutting around like he's cock of the walk. Well, let me tell you. Homer Simpson is cock of nothing.

Mr. Burns

Come gather round children, it's high time ye learns,
'Bout a hero named Homer and a devil named Burns.
We'll march till we drop, the girls and the fellas.
We'll fight to the death or else fold like umbrellas.
So we'll march day and night by the big cooling tower.
They have the plant, but we have the power.

Lisa
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