Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

Grampa

Homer: Alright brain. You don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer
Homer's Brain: It's a deal.

Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing?
Grampa: I figured it was because the Demmie-crats were back in power.

(Typing a letter) Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

Grampa

Dondelinger: Welcome to Remedial Science 1A. My wife recently passed away. I thought that maybe teaching would ease my loneliness.
Homer: Will this be on the test?
Dondelinger: No!
Homer: Ohhh. (Erases note from his cheat sheet)

Homer's Brain: This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
Homer: Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Marge: Oh, my God!
Homer's Brain: No, the other secret!
Homer: Marge, I never graduated from High School.
Marge: Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.

Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...heheheh-hey! Whoa! Wasn't that great, kids?

Krusty

Song: Hens Love Roosters
Geese Love Ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders
Homer: Not me!
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
Ned: Knock that off you two it's time for church!
Rod: We're not going to church today!
Ned: What? You give me one good reason!
Todd: It's Saturday.
Ned: Oakily doakily-doo!
Song: Hens Love Roosters
Geese Love Ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders

Bart: What are you going to change your name to when you grow up?
Lisa: Lois Sanborn.
Bart: Steve Bennett.

Moe: I brought you a little present. (Gives Homer a can of beer)
Homer: No. Beer bring pain.
Barney: I can't stand to see him like this. (Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away)
Moe: He really needs a girlfriend.

TV Announcer: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmm... beer.

I am interested in long-distance savings. Very interested.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

Bart: Remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, "I'm a hemophiliac!," and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Yeah.
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back. And then when he's lying down on the ground,...
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Kick him in the ribs.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Step on his neck.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: And run like hell.