The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Grampa: Why I go in and out of coma's all the .............. french toast please.
Lisa: Is a coma painful?
Grampa: Oh heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girls from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

TV Announcer: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmm... beer.

I am interested in long-distance savings. Very interested.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Oh Marge. What if I wind up as some vegetable watching TV on the couch. My important work will never be completed.

Homer

Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. (classic laugh) April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

Dr. Hibbert

Marge: You lost 5% of your brain.
Homer: Me lose brain? Uh-oh! (Everyone including Homer laughs)
Homer: Why I laugh?

Moe: I brought you a little present. (Gives Homer a can of beer)
Homer: No. Beer bring pain.
Barney: I can't stand to see him like this. (Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away)
Moe: He really needs a girlfriend.

It's a good thing that beer wasn't shooken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April Fool, as it were.

Homer

Homer: And that's the story of April Fools Day.
Lisa: Dad, I was telling the story!

Dentist: I'm afraid Lisa is going to need braces.
Lisa: Oh no! I'll be socially unpopular...more so!

Look at them all through the darkness I'm bringing, they're not sad at all, they're actually singing.

Mr. Burns

Lisa: Do you really think you can get our dental plan back, dad?
Homer: Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
Bart: Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
Homer: Done and done!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 396 in total

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer

I've got some joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. (Where?) Down in my heart to stay! And if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack. (Ouch!) Sit on a tack. (Ouch!)

Rod/Todd