Grampa: Why I go in and out of coma's all the .............. french toast please.
Lisa: Is a coma painful?
Grampa: Oh heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girls from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

TV Announcer: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmm... beer.

I am interested in long-distance savings. Very interested.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Oh Marge. What if I wind up as some vegetable watching TV on the couch. My important work will never be completed.

Homer

Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. (classic laugh) April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

Dr. Hibbert

Marge: You lost 5% of your brain.
Homer: Me lose brain? Uh-oh! (Everyone including Homer laughs)
Homer: Why I laugh?

Moe: I brought you a little present. (Gives Homer a can of beer)
Homer: No. Beer bring pain.
Barney: I can't stand to see him like this. (Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away)
Moe: He really needs a girlfriend.

It's a good thing that beer wasn't shooken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April Fool, as it were.

Homer

Homer: And that's the story of April Fools Day.
Lisa: Dad, I was telling the story!

Dentist: I'm afraid Lisa is going to need braces.
Lisa: Oh no! I'll be socially unpopular...more so!

Look at them all through the darkness I'm bringing, they're not sad at all, they're actually singing.

Mr. Burns

Lisa: Do you really think you can get our dental plan back, dad?
Homer: Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
Bart: Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
Homer: Done and done!

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: (short silence) ...Yes.

Bart: Remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, "I'm a hemophiliac!," and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Yeah.
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back. And then when he's lying down on the ground,...
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Kick him in the ribs.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Step on his neck.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: And run like hell.