Two and a Half Men Season 2 Quotes
Charlie: So what do you think?
Berta: About what?
Charlie: Lisa, me, the kid.
Berta: Ok, let's see now... This is the same women you've broken up and gotten back together with for years, right?
Charlie: Right.
Berta: And she turned you down in order to marry somebody else?
Charlie: Yes.
Berta: And then the marriage fell apart and now she got his baby?
Charlie: Ya.
Berta: Sounds perfect. Go for it!
Charlie: You look good.
Lisa: You, too. Although if you're taking votes, I prefer the brown sock to the beige one.
Charlie: Oh, I had to kind of dress in a hurry this morning.
Lisa: Really? Did somebody's husband come home early?
Charlie: Why do you always assume the worst? Can't I just be hung over?
Berta: Just out of curiosity, what the hell happened in your brother's bathroom?
Alan: Nothing.
Jake: Dad was wrestling on the floor with a naked lady.
Berta: The quiet ones are always the freaks
Lisa [to her baby]: Oh, what a hungry little girl!
Charlie: Of course she's hungry. She must have dropped half her body weight in that last diaper!
Charlie: So, what are you doing for dinner tonight?
Lisa: You're shameless.
Charlie: Thank you.
Lisa: It's not a compliment.
Charlie: Whatever. So, how about dinner tonight?
Lisa: Charlie, a lot has changed.
Charlie: So what? I'm older and wiser, and you're hot and on the rebound!
Evelyn: Listen, if I had gotten married after every weekend of hot, sweaty debauchery with a virtual stranger, you'd have, well, many more stepfathers than you already have.
Charlie: She knows what she's talking about, Alan. Mom's been on more hotel pillows than a chocolate mint
Alan: How do I look?
Charlie [without looking up]: Incredible. All men want to be you, all women want to be with you.
Alan: Could you at least look at me before you answer?
Charlie [after he looked up]: I stand corrected. All men want to be with you
Berta: I guess if they can put a man on the moon, they can put a woman on your brother. Who's the girl?
Charlie: I don't know. He met her at the supermarket. Helped her pick out corn.
Berta: Corn? Well, I'm not in any position to judge. I once did a guy for a tank of gas
Alan: What kind of man chooses sex with an insatiably hot stranger over quality time with his little boy?
Charlie: Oh! I don't know, the kind of man who's been married for twelve years and had sex twelve times?
Alan: I need you to watch Jake for the rest of the weekend so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas and get married.
Charlie: Oh, God, Alan! There's no need to marry the woman! If you don't want to have sex anymore just tell her!
Alan: I... I wish there were a better way to deal with Mom.
Charlie: There is, but we're both too pretty for jail
Judith: Charlie, have you said derogatory things about me to Jake?
Charlie: No. Why? Do you want me to?