Two and a Half Men Season 3 Quotes
Okay, I haven't sampled anything from the other side of the buffet since I traveled with the Grateful Dead, but golly Moses, she's a muffinBerta [upon seeing Kandi sunbathing]
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With you, sex is kinda like going on space mountain. It's a good ride, but there's never any real danger. With Alan, it's like being in the back seat of a car driven by a really smart kangaroo. He may go up on the curb a couple times, but he'll get you thereKandi [to Charlie]
- Permalink: With you, sex is kinda like going on space mountain. It's a good...
Alan: Jake, what are we going to do? You've really fallen behind this year.
Jake: I know, I think it's a delayed reaction to your divorce.
Jake: Yeah, it took awhile, but my teachers have finally stopped feeling sorry for me
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Jake: We had a surprise test today.
Jake: I was really surprised
- Permalink: We had a surprise test today. And? I was really surprised
You don't dry clean a rented tuxedo. You don't redecorate a hotel room. You don't order cable for a port-a-potty...unless you're really, really drunk. And you don't take on the bills of a girl that's got the attention span of a monkey chewing on a fly swatterCharlie
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# Charlie: You ever see a kid at school who doesn't like his lunch, but he won't let you have it. either?
Jake: Oh, yeah, Russell Beasley. He'll spit on his apple cobbler before he'll let anybody else eat it.
Charlie: Well, this is pretty much the same deal, except your Mom is Russell Beasley, and your Dad is the spit-covered cobbler.
Jake: I don't understand.
Charlie: Even though your mom doesn't want your dad, she doesn't want Kandi to eat him, either.
Jake: Oh. You know, I like cobbler with ice cream.
Charlie: Way to follow a train of thought.
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Charlie: What are you auctioning?
Alan: Well, a few rare books, a couple of lithos, a set of golf clubs...
Charlie: Since when do you play golf?
Alan: Uh, well, technically, they're your clubs.
Charlie: You're stealing from me?!
Alan: Oh, come on, you only bought 'em so you could go to Palm Springs and pick up lesbians!
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Alan [about Kandi]: She looks up to me. She thinks I'm special. She thinks I'm smart.
Charlie: She thinks gazpacho is Pinocchio's father
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Alan [reading the newspaper]: Hey, mom, here's some good news. It seems with medical breakthroughs, the average life span will soon be a hundred years.
Evelyn: Wonderful, more time to be ignored by your children
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