Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Cigarettes killed my father, and raped my mother
Congressman
Tracy: Brian, this is Dylan, he's (pause) your son.
Stewie: Oh, no way! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Bonnie: Well, it is tempting. Paris is such a perfect city.
Frenchman 2: Well, that is not entirely true. We have a lot of mime on mime violence.
Cleveland: Peter, that's Bruno Mars.
Peter: Bruno Mars? Who's she?
Cleveland: She's a man. And he's not even black. He's a beautiful, mixed-up tomorrow person.
(After running over Joe with the tank)
Peter: Joe, my god what happened?
Joe: You just ran over me you bastard! I don't know where you got that thing, but I'm impounding it!
Peter: Heheheh look at you, you look like a half-empty toothpaste.
Peter: It sure was nice for you to invite us out on your yacht, mr Pewterschmidt.
Carter: It's not a boat, it's a yacht. Oh sorry, I thought you said boat.
Peter's Wife's Cookies.
Peter
Lois: Do you mind?
Paulie: Acutally I do, you crazy broad.
Lois: I am not a crazy broad!
Peter: Oh, no no Lois, he didn't mean you're crazy like.. Elizabeth Taylor... He meant you're crazy, like.. that glue... You stick to things, you know, like an adhesive... That's all he meant
Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
Calahan: Umm... you can't eat a-
Peter: Wanna split it?
Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis
Lois: Oh my god! I think Chris is having a heart attack!
Peter: We're not supposed to leave the table!
I'm the guy who killed your bodyguard.
Peter
