Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Peter: I'm not gonna stand for this. Too many people get away with injustice. Like the folks you meet in those Louisiana swamps.
(Cut to Kermit playing his banjo in the swamp as in The Muppet Movie. A black man rows by in a rowboat)
Black man: Excuse me, do you know how to get to town?
Kermit: (aggressively) Yeah, it's back the way you came. (draws a shotgun and cocks it)
Stewie: I mean, what kind of a man would I be if I ran off now?
Brian: Well, you would be a black man.
Stewie: Wow, wow, whoa, what was that?
Brian: Ahh I'm sorry, I'm sorry that was my father talking.
Stewie: You uh, gotta work on that man. Bad dog.
Lois: Good, I don't have to cook.
Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty
Chris: Hello, James Woods High! I'm Chris, and this is my band, Splash Log! And we are gonna rock this place until about 9:30, cuz that's when the dance is over!
Peter: Guys, I went to see Dr. Hartman yesterday and he did things to my fanny (Cries)
Cleavland: Peter it's okay.
Peter: No it's not okay, you don't know what it's like.
Cleavland: You're wrong. I too have felt the cold finger of injustice on my insidey parts.
Peter: He did it to you too?
Quagmire: I have something to say. Dr. Hartman violated me as well. I only went in there for a physical slice guinea pig removal, but I turned out to be the guinea pig. With sexual experimentation.
Joe: You guys are a bunch of queers. (Joe rolls away, but then comes back) And so am I. Oh god, it was horrible. I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but damn it, they don't make water hot enough.
Asian Santa: (really fast) What you want? What you want for Christmas?
Stewie: Um, I was thinking maybe one of those old timey...
Asian Santa: (really fast) Too late! Take too long! Sad Christmas!
(throws Stewie and an Asian kid comes) What you want?
Asian Kid: (really fast) Fire truck!
Asian Santa: What color?
Asian Kid: Red!
Asian Santa: Next. (throws kid)
Roger Chapstick: And that was the third time I slept with Katherine Harris.
Virgil Mastercard: Well I love her politics but how is she in bed?
Roger Chapstick: Well as anyone in Florida will tell you, she knows how to rig an erection.
Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.
Stewie
For 60 years, Sundays have meant God, football and Family Guy. And later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.
Peter
Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital
Blasphemy! Heresy! Sodomy!
Peter: Chris, how are all your friends at school?
Chris: What do you care, you don't even know who my friends are.
Peter: Sure I do... Chandler... Fonzy... and Remington Steele?
Chris: You got lucky, dad.
