Favorite Charlie Harper Quotes
Alan: Charlie, do you have any idea how bad you're making me look?
Charlie: That's not me. It's genetics and barber school haircuts.
Alan: Do you really want me to tell a ten year old boy that someone he really cares about was pretending to like him? What kind of lesson is that?
Charlie: He lives in L.A., he might as well learn now
Charlie: Look Jake, I'm sorry about the Wendy thing, but there's nothing I can do about it. And I want us to be buddies again. I don't want you to hate me anymore.
Jake: I don't hate you.
Charlie: Good.
Jake: I'm just very disappointed in you.
Charlie: Hey, I get enough of that crap from my mother
Charlie: What will it take, huh? Cash? Video games?
Jake: I don't want stuff. I got enough stuff when my mom and dad broke up.
Charlie: This isn't the same thing, Jake.
Jake: It doesn't matter. You liked Wendy, and now you don't like her, and nobody cares what I want.
Charlie: Jake, come here, buddy. Sit down. Look, it's not that I don't care what you want. It's just that you're a kid, and what you want doesn't matter
Charlie: I understand you teachers are sadly underpaid.
Miss Tuttle: That's very true.
Charlie: Well, I'd like to do my part. Can I buy you dinner?
Charlie: So what's the deal with your teacher?
Jake: Ms. Tuttle? She's very strict.
Charlie: That could work.
Charlie: Did you have sex in my bed?
Alan: Um, no. Actually, the romance of the night pretty much evaporated when you curled up at our feet like a drunken Labrador.
Charlie: I think I need to go see my shrink.
Alan: Work out some issues?
Charlie: Renew my prescriptions.
Alan: Much more in character.
Jake: How come you're not helping mom and dad with the show?
Charlie: Well, how can I put this? Your Unclie Charlie is a professional musician, and your mom and dad...
Jake: Suck?
Charlie: Good a word as any
Charlie: I thought we agreed we were just friends.
Rose: We are. We're friends who slept together once, and then one friend never called the other friend, but luckily the other friend forgave him.
Charlie: Where are you going?
Rose: To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwhich.
Charlie: Rose, Rose, I don't want a grilled cheese sandwhich.
Rose: Would you prefer a quesadilla?
Charlie: That sounds nice
Dr. Freeman: ... non-familial relationships.
Charlie: Why didn't you just say friends?
Dr. Freeman: I got the diplomas, Charlie, I like to use them.
Alan: Hey, where've you been?
Charlie: I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker
