Favorite Evelyn Harper Quotes
Evelyn: Margaret, good to see you! How's married life?
Margaret: Oh, just one long honeymoon.
Evelyn: That's because she bangs a different groom every night.
Charlie: Hi. Charlie Harper.
Evelyn: Jake, do you want Grandmommy to teach you how to use chopsticks?
Alan: Don't confuse him. He just learned how to use a fork.
Jake: Real funny, Alan.
Teddy: Oh, great, now we have to put on clothes for breakfast.
Evelyn: That's the least of our problems. All our leather gear is in the guest room.
Jake: Fruit? That's all you got, fruit?
Evelyn: Don't you ever have fruit for breakfast?
Jake: Well, yeah, Frankenberries.
Evelyn: Oh, well, I'm sorry sweetheart. If I'd known you were coming I would have stocked up on crap.
Charlie: Okay, Mom, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
Evelyn: Charlie, the wedding is not for six months.
Charlie: Yeah, but it's bad luck to see the bride beforehand.
Berta: Here we go, Blue Eyes. I made it myself.
Teddy: Thank you.
Evelyn: Nothing for me, thanks.
Berta: I don't recall offering.
Teddy: Come on, Evelyn, give the kid a break. He was probably out last night sowing some wild oats.
Evelyn: He's 40 years old! He has no more wild oats. Just warmed over Cream of Wheat.
Evelyn: (talking about Charlie) I just can't believe he's still in bed.
Alan: He's a drunk, Mom, that's what they do.
Charlie: Mommy, I don't feel good.
Evelyn: Oh, Charles, don't tell me you've got another case of the Bangkok drippy-drip.
Charlie: It's your fifth wedding, Mom. What do you need help with, besides remembering the groom's name?
Evelyn: You know, I'd cut him out of the will if I thought there was a chance he'd outlive me.
Evelyn: And I just want you to know, I'm not after your father's money.
Courtney: I'm sure you're not.
Evelyn: Believe me, I got plenty of my own money.
Evelyn: We don't eat from the cake until we cut the cake.
Jake: But I'm still hungry.
Evelyn: Have some cheese!
Jake: Have we cut the cheese?
