Two and a Half Men

Evelyn Harper Quotes (Page 5)

Charlie: Mommy, I don't feel good.
Evelyn: Oh, Charles, don't tell me you've got another case of the Bangkok drippy-drip.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn: (talking about Charlie) I just can't believe he's still in bed.
Alan: He's a drunk, Mom, that's what they do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Teddy: Come on, Evelyn, give the kid a break. He was probably out last night sowing some wild oats.
Evelyn: He's 40 years old! He has no more wild oats. Just warmed over Cream of Wheat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Berta: Here we go, Blue Eyes. I made it myself.
Teddy: Thank you.
Evelyn: Nothing for me, thanks.
Berta: I don't recall offering.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: Okay, Mom, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
Evelyn: Charlie, the wedding is not for six months.
Charlie: Yeah, but it's bad luck to see the bride beforehand.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jake: Fruit? That's all you got, fruit?
Evelyn: Don't you ever have fruit for breakfast?
Jake: Well, yeah, Frankenberries.
Evelyn: Oh, well, I'm sorry sweetheart. If I'd known you were coming I would have stocked up on crap.
 • Rating: Unrated

Teddy: Oh, great, now we have to put on clothes for breakfast.
Evelyn: That's the least of our problems. All our leather gear is in the guest room.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn: Jake, do you want Grandmommy to teach you how to use chopsticks?
Alan: Don't confuse him. He just learned how to use a fork.
Jake: Real funny, Alan.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn: Margaret, good to see you! How's married life?
Margaret: Oh, just one long honeymoon.
Evelyn: That's because she bangs a different groom every night.
Charlie: Hi. Charlie Harper.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn: That is the king of vaginal rejuvenation surgery. But interestingly, he's never used one himself, rejuvenated or otherwise.
Charlie: Wouldn't that make him the queen of vaginal surgery?
 • Rating: Unrated

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