Halloween - the one time of the year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage.

I'm the floor. I can't move. So far a normal Sunday morning...

So much violence on the surface world, I'm going back.

No! Not the middle seat!

Wayne: Your town appears on no maps or charts.
Homer: Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo without me naked or urinating.
Marge: And when there was a map makers convention here, we all got Lou Gerig's disease.
Homer: Not the one you're thinking of though, there's another one.

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.

Homer: My doctor said don't walk.
Marge: That was a traffic signal!

Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

When we see each other again, you'll be an old man and I'll be a baby!

Homer: First the good news: two of your kids are not locked in the car.

Cake, will you make my stomach the happiest bag of acid in the world?

Marge: Homey, you sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.