Jake Harper Quotes
Jake: Uncle Charlie, do you need to go anywhere?
Charlie: Yeah, away from you
Jake: You want me to drive?
Charlie: You want to drive my $80,000 Mercedes?
Jake: Yes, please
Charlie: He's unnecessarily polite for a future doorman
- Permalink: Uncle Charlie, do you need to go anywhere? Yeah, away from you...
Judith: Just because he's fifteen doesn't mean he's ready to drive
Jake: I've been driving for years. Grand Theft Auto 1, Grand Theft Auto 2. And I've never drove anyone over except for pimps and crack whores.
Jake: Sorry, dad. Crack prostitutes.
- Permalink: Just because he's fifteen doesn't mean he's ready to drive I'v...
Jake: She brought soup!
Charlie: Why would she bring soup?
Alan: You told her you had a bug. So she assumed it was bronchial. If you had been more specific like I suggested, you could have precluded this. Nobody just drops by when they think you have diarrhea.
Jake: And I bet they don't bring soup, either
- Permalink: She brought soup! Why would she bring soup? You told her you...
Charlie: Okay, I'm leaving.
Charlie: If you need anything, ask Berta.
Charlie: She won't give it to you, but she enjoys being asked
- Permalink: Okay, I'm leaving. Bye. If you need anything, ask Berta. O...
Jake: How much can I bet?
Charlie: How much did you bring?
Jake: I have to use my own money?
Charlie: Boy, you really are your father's son, aren't you?
- Permalink: How much can I bet? How much did you bring? I have to use my...
Charlie: Just hide the money. Stick it into a shoe.
Jake: Right. What about if I wanna wear it?
Charlie: Then put it on another shoe.
Jake: But not of the same pair, right?
- Permalink: Just hide the money. Stick it into a shoe. Right. What about i...
Jake: Can we watch the soccer game instead of basketball?
Charlie: What are you, nuts?
Jake: Sophie said soccer is the most popular game in the world.
Charlie: Well, then they don't need us to watch it.
- Permalink: Can we watch the soccer game instead of basketball? What are y...
Alan: Your mom will be here any minute. I thought I told you to get ready.
Jake: I'm ready.
Alan: Did you do your homework?
Alan: Jake, I promised your mother you'd have it done.
Jake: Well, next time you'll know better
- Permalink: Your mom will be here any minute. I thought I told you to get re...
Jake: You smell like strawberries.
Sophie: It's my lip gloss.
Jake: Does it taste like it smells?
Sophie: You wanna find out?
[Sophie leans in to kiss Jake, Jake uses a finger to wipe her lip gloss off, then proceeds to eat it]
- Permalink: You smell like strawberries. It's my lip gloss. Does it tast...