South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
(Kyle sneaks into the Cartman-Trapper Keeper monster to shut it down)
Cartman: (Sounding like HAL from 2001) What are you doing, Kyle?
Kyle: I have to shut down your CPU!
Cartman: (Like HAL) I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
Kyle: Well, screw you, fat ass!
Cartman: (normal voice) Screw you!
Bill Cosby: Well that does it! (takes out laser gun)
Kyle: Hey! What are you doing!
Bill Cosby: I'm afraid i have no other choice! I have to kill him!
Kyle: Oh! Ok.
Stan: That's fine. No wait!
Bill Cosby: What?
Stan: Can I do it?
Bill Cosby: Oh, I suppose... (give gun to Stan)
Stan: Sweet! Kiss your ass goodbye fat boy!
Bill Cosby: (sees the blob Cartman has become) There's got to be a part of your friend still in there...
Cartman Trapper-Keeper: (Farts)
Kyle: Oh my god.Cartman is still in there.
Dammit! I thought 4th grade was going to be different.
Kyle: Look, you guys built a machine together that can bend time. If you just agree with him, you can build another one and usher in a whole new era of science.
Nerd: And live in a world of 72 original Star Trek's? I don't think so. I don't want to live in that world.
(to Cartman) Shut up, fat ass!
Stan: This is it the end of innocence this is the loss of that playful youth that all are parents warned us about
Kyle: I just didn't think it come so soon.
Cartman: Yeah, only now do we realize how we took the 3rd grade for granted.
Kyle: Huh?
Cartman: Everything was great in 3rd grade and now that it's all over we're starting to see how special it was
Cartman: (starts singing) Remember how it used to be? In the 3rd grade we used to laugh and play and cherish each day, in the 3rd grade we learned wondrous things with a teacher so nice sat on marshmallow desks with teddy bear smiles the world all seem to make sense but that sense seemed slowly but, seemed to fade after 3rd grade. In 3rd grade we used to write with crayons we would make sparkly pictures with glitter and glue we had warm cookies and hearts full of love and it wasn't a care in the world for me or for you. There's not in this life that I wouldn't trade just to go back for 1 minute to 3rd grade.
(Clyde starts crying)
Kyle: (After Timmy coming back from time) Dude! It looks like Timmy went all over time! He must have alot to tell us!
(pause)
Timmy: Ih, Timmy.
Kyle: You are so going to hell Cartman!
Cartman: (rolling in money) Suck my balls!
Kyle: Mister Father! We have to ask you something.
Priest Maxi: Oh. You're the little Jewish boy, right?
Kyle: Yeah. If we're Jewish, are we gonna go to hell?
Priest Maxi: Well, young man, you can rest assured that according to Matthew:25, when you die you will stand before God and he will will say, "Depart from me, you curse, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels." Yes! As a Jew, your home will be the lake of fire.
Cartman: Gentleman, thank you for coming. This is the beginning of a great time in our lives. God has finally spoken to me guys, and he has told me how I can make ten million dollars.
Stan: How?
Cartman: Boy band.
Kyle: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy Band.
Stan: I'm not being in any faggy boy band.
Cartman: There's nothing faggy about ten million dollars asshole.
Cartman: Check this out, my mom made us costumes.
Stan: Costumes!
Cartman: Yeah. This one's yours Stan, and this one is Kyle's, this one will cover up Wendy's hooters.
Stan: Hey Cartman, how come your costume has like nose rings and facial hair?
Cartman: Cause I'm like you know, the tough one. Every boy band has to have the one member you know, that's tough.
Kyle: I want to be the tough one.
Cartman: Kyle, you are the sweet one, would you please just cooperate and...
Kyle: I wan't to be the tough one!
Cartman: You can't be the tough one because you're Jewish!
Kyle: Jews are tough!
Cartman: Since when?
Kyle: Since Abraham Fatass!
