The Simpsons

Principal Skinner Quotes (Page 7)

Reporter: Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as "the funny one." Is that reputation justified?
Skinner: (seriously) Yes. Yes, it is.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio)
Homer, Apu, Skinner: (singing off-key) For all the latest medical poop,
Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop.
Poo poo pa-doop...
Apu: This is worse than your song about Mr. T.
Homer: I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
Skinner: Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist.
(Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder)
Barney: Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places!
(On the recorder)
Barney's Girlfriend: Number eight... (Barney belches) Number eight... (Barney belches) Number eight... (Barney belches)
 • Rating: Unrated

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: May I interest you in a jello brick, sir? There's a grape in the center.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I'm not made of stone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Over, under, in and out, that's what shoe tying is all about.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: But first, our second prize winner and the recipient of this handsome shoe buffer... Ned Flanders.
Ned: (gasps)
Homer: Oh it's no fair, we'll never have a buffer!
Marge: We have one at home, you never use it.
Homer: Well, I want that one!
 • Rating: Unrated

Skinner: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her feel right at home. Please say a big Elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
Samantha: Stanky.
Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.
 • Rating: Unrated

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