If I weren't here, would you be masturbating? Are you kidding?...

Walden: If I weren't here, would you be masturbating?
Alan: Are you kidding? I'd be done and fixing a sandwich.


Rating: 5.0 / 5.0 (1 Vote)
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Characters:
Alan Harper, Walden Schmidt
Episode:
Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5: "Giant Cat Holding Churro"
Show:
Two and a Half Men
Related Quotes:
Alan Harper Quotes, Walden Schmidt Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5 Quotes

Alcohol is just a bandage for the problem. I know this because I used to live with the mummy.

Alan

Lyndsey: I'm so full it'd be like sticking a pin in a balloon.
Alan: Can we please not call it a pin?

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5 Photos

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  2. If I weren't here, would you be masturbating? Are you kidding?...