Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men

Berta: Morning.
Alan: Morning. Hey, Berta, you're a woman.
Berta: Where are we going with this, Zippy?
Alan: I was just wondering-what does it mean when someone starts crying uncontrollably after sex?
Berta: Well, in my experience, it usually means the conjugal visit's over.


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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Berta Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes

Alan: Well, I'd love to help you out, Mom, but, uh, I have a date tonight.
Evelyn: So, now it's inflatable sex doll night at Dodger Stadium?
Alan: No, no, I really have a date. And the doll was a gag gift from one of my patients.
Evelyn: Charlie, what about you?
Charlie: I tried it once, but I prefer a real woman.

Alan: Charlie, I'm not gonna lie to some poor woman, just so you can dump her.
Charlie: I'm not dumping her. We've just grown apart.
Alan: Since you've picked her up at a bar last night?
Charlie: People change...

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