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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: Now, to the issue of underage drinking. Not only is it against the law, alcohol destroys brain cells.
Charlie: Alan, you gotta tailor the pitch to the audience.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: Forget brain cells. Jake, listen to me, this is very important. Alcohol can make it tough to get a boner.
Jake: You're kidding?
Charlie: I can't tell you how many times I've said, "this has never happened before."

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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 19 Quotes, Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Jake Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 19 Quotes

And you call yourself a drummer. Keith Moon is vomitting in his grave.

Charlie

Charlie: Who the hell are you?
Jake: Oh, this is my friend Eldrige, he plays that drums.
Charlie: Okay, that explains the attitude.
Eldridge: What, are you ragging on my name?
Charlie: No, I'm ragging on your instrument, now beat it.

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