South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Randy Marsh: Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: What!?
Randy: Well, I just, I have this buddy, uh, he sat and watched this other guy play with himself.
Guest: Well, let's go kick his ass.

Officer Barbrady: So what does the ATF do when religious fanatics are gonna commit mass suicide?
ATF Agent: Oh, don't worry, we won't let that happen. Even if it means we have to kill each and every one of them.

Pip: Cheerio Stan, I do say, it's quite a nice surprise seeing you here.
Stan: Shut up Pip.

(To the adults) Why I'm awfully disappointed with you drinking and carrying on this way, why you should be ashamed of yourself. If you don't get outside right now and tell those Army guys that your not religious fantastics, there's gonna be heck to pay -- heck I tell ya.

Butters

Welcome. Mmkay?

Mr. Mackey

Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.

Man #1: Well, you know what I heard, I heard that he's gay.
Man #2: Oh, is he really?
Randy: Who?
Man: What?
Randy: Who did you hear is-is gay?
Man: Ricky Martin, the singer.
Randy: Oh.

Stan: But you know, I learned something today. I used to call you guys 'Melvins,' but you're just kids, like me. We separate you in school because you talk different, or you study too hard, but we've proven tonight that we can all get along.
Butters: So you mean we can stay friends, Stan? Wouldn't that be swell, huh?
Kyle: (Walks up) Dude, I'm glad to see you. You would not believe the night I had.
Stan: You? You think you had a bad night; I had to hang out all night with these freaking Melvins!

Gerald: Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it-
Randy: We did not share and intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!

Stan: Think you can hit the target, Pip?
Pip: Of course. I'll have you know I was Archery Esquire at Straffordshire.
Stan: Be sure to hit something nice and solid now.
(Pip hits the back of Barbrady's head.)

I like math.

Dougie

How come they're actin' that way, Stan? Huh? How come they're laughin' and falling down and such?

Butters
Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 284 in total

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

Santa: Ok Jesus, here's one you might remember. (begins singing Duran Duran's "Rio") Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand. Just like that river twistin' through the dusty land.
Jesus: Uh. Santa, Santa, Santa, that's not a Christmas song.
Santa: I know, but there's, like, 300 Jesus Christmas songs and only four f***ing Santa ones!