Two and a Half Men Season 7 Quotes
Jake: What's that?
Charlie: A birthday present for Chelsea.
Jake: But I thought you guys broke up.
Charlie: Yeah well I bought it a couple months ago.
Jake: Why?
Charlie: Because I thought that's when her birthday was. Turns out I confused it with St. Patrick's Day.
Alan: I did buy her a nice scarf.
Charlie: Will it support your weight from a shower rod?
Alan: ...and maybe Saturday, a date.
Charlie: You're calling those magazines dates now?
Jake: I like German cars.
Charlie: Well if keep your nose clean and work hard, you may be able to park them for a living.
Man, If I'd known you liked the whacky weed, I wouldn't have spent the last eight years getting baked under the deck. You know, when I was on break.
Berta
Alan: Let me tell you something young man, chapter two of your father's story hasn't been written.
Jake: Is chapter one, "I crapped my pants?"
Alan: My life isn't over you know.
Jake: Okay.
Alan: What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
Jake: Then you must be like the hulk.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather get a maple syrup enema and sit on an ant pile.
Charlie
Alan: You might want to eat something so when you throw up later, it won't just be alcohol and stomach juice.
Charlie: Way ahead of you. (holds up drink) I call it an Egg McBorboun.
Prostitute: What's my role in this?
Charlie: You don't think I'm a good role model, yet paradoxically you want to have kids with me.
Prostitue: What kind of sex does charlie want?
Charlie: Oh i get to choose? It's kind of like Baskin Robbins. You know if they charged $1,000 a scoop.
Alan: You stole drugs from your son?
Lyndsay: It's only fair, he stole my youth.
