Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Jake: This is really weird.
Alan: Why is it weird? Your mom and I may not be living together anymore, but we're still friends.
Jake: I don't flip off my friends when I talk to them on the phone.
Charlie: Nice shooting. Two with one bullet


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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes, Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Jake Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes

Charlie [regarding the tongs]: Ah, you better use the wooden ones.
Judith: What's wrong with these?
Charlie: I use those whenever I drop my watch in the toilet.
Judith: This is a regular occurrence?
Charlie: You'd think I'd learn.
Judith: And you keep them in the kitchen?
Charlie: I used to hang them on a little hook in the bathroom, but it freaked some chicks out

Berta [regarding Judith]: What are you, a farm animal?
Charlie: What?
Berta: That is your brother's ex-wife out there.
Charlie: I know who she is. Oh, no, no. She's just staying here because of the earthquake. I'm not. I would never. I couldn't. [Charlie takes a peep at Judith on his deck in her bikini) Okay, maybe I could, but I'm not.
Berta: Yeah, that's what I used to say about my stepbrother, Cousin Dewey

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