Jake Harper Quotes
Jake: Are we going to dinner tonight?
Alan: Do I look like I'm in shape to go to dinner?
Jake: I don't know, I'm not a doctor
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Charlie: We're not going. This conversation is over.
Jake: Not if I'm still talking
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Charlie: Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper.
Jake: I'm sorry you slipped in dog crap when you were chasing me
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Charlie: Hey, buddy, how you been?
Jake: Life stinks.
Charlie: Cheer up, you're still a kid. It gets much worse
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Jake [about Chelsea]: Maybe she has an std
Jake: It means sexually transmitted disease
Charlie: I know what STDs are
Alan: Your uncle helped invent them
Jake: You know they can be prevented by using a condom?
Charlie: I know we could have prevented you by using a condom
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Jake: As soon as I get my license I'm so out of here
Alan: Sure, and you can drive your girlfriend to Gymboree
Jake: At least I have a girlfriend
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Alan: What's the problem?
Jake: She's nine
Alan: Nine? Where would you meet a nine year old girl?
Jake: We're in the same math class
Alan: Is she one of those advanced students?
Jake: Sadly, no, but she does help me with my homework
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When Grandma came over, I thought things couldn't get any worse. But instead of making me visit with her, she gave my dad money to take me, Uncle Charlie, and Berta to the movies. We saw the Rob Schneider movie where he plays the stupid guy. I had popcorn, nachos, and two jumbo red Slurpees. And as you know, you don't buy Slurpees, you rent them.
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Jake: Have you seen my Game Boy?
Norman: No. Have you seen my wife?
Jake: No. Well, if you see it, let me know.
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