Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: Dammit, how do you get a guy to leave your house who doesn't want to go?
Berta: Tell him you missed your period and you're out of pot. It always worked for me.


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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 2 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Berta Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 2 Quotes

Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.

Charlie

Lindsey: It's okay, Alan. I don't have to have orgasm every time you make love.
Alan: I did my best, it's just that my sinuses are a little block and I needed my mouth for breathing.
Lindsey: Don't worry about it, you were great. "A" for effort.
Alan: But on my report card, it's still going to say incomplete.

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