Two and a Half Men Season 9 Quotes
For god sake's walden, I'm old enough to be your mother. Assuming a teenage pregnancy, of course.
Evelyn
Walden: I'm not going sleep with your mother.
Alan: If I had a dime for every time i heard that, I'd have have $3.60. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it's 36 times.
Walden: Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn: With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
Walden: See what you can find.
You really should get that boy a unicycle and bowling pins.
Evelyn
We have to get rid of Walden. He's got to go.
Jake
Walden: You know if he hooks up with you, he goes to jail.
Megan: I'd wait for him.
I bet you shower every day.
Jake
It's a miracle I'm not a transexual on Dancing With the Stars.
Alan
Dani: If you're not gay, whats the deal with Alan?
Walden: He claims to be straight, but his lips opened a little when I kissed him.
Alan: Does she have a magic vagina?
Walden: Like can you pull a rabbit out of it?
Cured is one of those lamen terms psychiatrists try to avoid. It's bad for business.
Dr. Freeman
Jake: Dad, please tell me I'm not done growing.
Alan: Knock yourself out.
