"Golly Moses, She's A Muffin"

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with Alan in his house for the past three weeks. Alan is having trouble getting Kandi a job and Charlie is going through a dry spell.

"The Spit-Covered Cobbler"

Alan is having financial troubles trying to pay Judith's alimony and his girlfriend Kandi's bills. Charlie tries to convince him to dump Kandi.

"The Unfortunate Little Schnauser"

When Charlie is nominated for a jingle award, he refuses to go since his rival always wins. His family manages to convince him to go. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie with her boyfriend problems.

"Ergo, The Booty Call"

Alan tries to decide whether he should bring his younger girlfriend, Kandi, to Jake's birthday party where she'd meet Judith. Meanwhile, Rose tries to get her boyfriend to dress and act more like Charlie.

"My Tongue is Meat"

When Mia tries to make Charlie healthier, he continues to sneak drinks, cigars and hamburgers behind her back. He needs to decide if he's in love or just whipped.

" Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded"

Charlie continues to attempt to sleep with his girlfriend, Mia, when a sex-craved ex-girlfriend of his, Kandi shows up and complicates things. Alan ends up dating her.

"Humiliation is a Visual Medium"

Charlie and Mia attempt to start a relationship that's not based on sex by not having any. Charlie makes an inappropriate suggestion involving other women.

"That Special Tug"

When Alan becomes insecure over the fact Jake doesn't want to spend time with him, Charlie begins seeing a therapist.

"Santa's Village of the Damned"

Alan starts dating a woman who has a Martha Stewart complex. Soon the woman has the whole house completely spotless.

"Something Salted and Twisted"

Charlie tries to help Alan get over his obsession of trying to get the approval from the women in his life.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket