"Madame and Her Special Friend"

One of Charlie's elderly neighbor tries to seduce Alan. Charlie tries to stop Jake from donating to a televangelist.

"That Voodoo That I Do Do"

Charlie convinces Jake to take ballet lessons in order to score a date with the hot teacher.

"Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop"

Charlie wakes up next to Rose after her birthday party. Her irate father (Martin Sheen), tries to find out Charlie's intention. Things get awkward when Charlie's mother shows up.

"Hi, Mr. Horned One"

Charlie begins to date a girl that Alan thinks may be some kind of witch. He continues to do so until threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

"We Called It Mr. Pinky"

Charlie finally realizes why he can't have a lasting relationship... his mother! Jake asks Charlie advice about a girl at school he's interested in.

"Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs"

Berta temporarily moves in with Charlie and Alan, causing a distressed Alan to find his own apartment.

"Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark"

Alan starts dating his ex-wife, Judith, again, and tries his hardest to prevent Jake from finding out.

"Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover"

After Jake gets suspended for drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class, Alan tries to fix things by going to see the principal. Meanwhile, Charlie watches over Alan's office after an all-nighter.

"Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts"

After falling off the roof, an injured Alan needs Charlie to help take care of Jake. Charlie is fine with it until it interferes with his social agenda.

"Does This Smell Funny to You?"

Charlie sleeps with a woman (Karen Trella) who turns out to be married to an old man, Norman (Orson Bean), that seems very much like an older Charlie. Meanwhile, Jake has to read a paper to his class.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket