"Zejdz z Moich Wlosów"

Alan invites Judith to stay at Charlie's place after an earthquake. When Judith has a date, Alan becomes very jealous and begs Charlie to find him one too.

"A Lungful of Alan"

Alan meets up with an old nerdy classmate he was friends with who has now become a beautiful woman. Alan gets very jealous when she seems to be showing more interest in Charlie.

"Last Chance to See Those Tattoos"

After getting rejected at the bar, Charlie learns about a website that exposes his lifestyle. Charlie sets to find out who created the site, making amends with all girls he hurt.

"The Salmon Under My Sweater"

When Charlie has to write a theme song for a comic book, Oshikuru, Jake is a fan of, he tries to enlist his help. Meanwhile, Alan finds out more about Rose as he hangs out with her.

"Yes, Monsignor"

When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date he can't stand, he ends up at the coffee shop where he runs into his old girlfriend, Lisa (Denise Richards), who is now a divorcee with a baby. Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing well in school.

"Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers"

When Alan meets Nancy (Kelley West) at the grocery store, she fulfills all his fantasies, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake while he's distracted. After knowing Nancy for just a few days, Alan decides to ask her to marry him making Charlie to try and stop him, even getting Evelyn to help.

"A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana"

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mom forces them to have for her.

"The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance"

Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a kid for fear he has a darkside until Charlie finally admits he planted the toy on Alan, changing his life forever.

"Bad News from the Clinic"

Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman, Sherri (Jeri Ryan), that's better at playing hard to get than he is.

"Go Get Mommy's Bra"

Alan gets jealous when Jake is impressed with his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick. Meanwhile, Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to impress her client, a Saudi prince.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket